People who expected to be empty-nesters when the last child became an adult are finding their children flocking back home. The younger generation is finding that living on their own costs more than they had anticipated. In 2012, surveys by the Pew Research Center showed that 36 percent of those 18 to 31 were living in their parents’ homes.
Parents seem to be willing. A poll of 2,000 adults indicated that 85 percent of them said they would welcome adult children back home if the situation called for it.
Given the current realities, financial experts are advising the parents not to move too quickly to downsize after the youngest child is in college.
When it happens, the trick is to be up front and firm about what you expect the back-home child to contribute to the new arrangement. Discuss things such as rent, help with food and/or utilities, cellphone charges, etc. etc. Be clear on how long you expect the arrangement to last. Many children grow up having little understanding of their parents’ financial realities. Now’s the time to share that information.
Don’t make the mistake of putting the child’s needs ahead of your own. That works when children are small, not so well when they are grown and have resources of their own. Their personal needs are their responsibility.
Of course, the multi-generational thing can work in both directions. It also is becoming more common for elderly individuals to move in with middle-age children. Again, careful assessment is key to a happy situation. Look at options and determine if having a parent or parents in your home is preferable to opting for senior or nursing home care. These services run the gamut to accommodate the ability of the elderly person to care for himself or herself.
Assisted living and health care facilities can be pricey. Look at options. If the parents own a home, it may be wise to sell it to finance living arrangements for their older years. Social Security and/or pensions should be drawn on to help with the costs. If the resources fall short of paid care expenses, you may have no choice but to open your home to elderly family members.
Don’t move too quickly. Look realistically at how having an older person in your home could affect your family’s usual activities. And plan accordingly so the older person can be made a contributing and happy member of the household. If there are siblings, the responsibility for aging parents should be shared.