Presents Call for Presence of Mind

In this era of rampant gift-giving, it is the ghosts of Christmas presents past that often put the ho-ho-ho into holiday.

Consider the woman, then 16 years old and skinny, who received a size 40-D bra from her Granny. If she had followed that glib notion that “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” she could have hung it on the wall by its straps and used it to store oranges and apples for treating Christmas guests. Granny had been through the Great Depression. Well, truthfully, she hadn’t ever quite fully gotten through it and she was an inveterate bargain shopper who couldn’t pass up the scaled-down price tag on the super-sized undie.

In her philosophy, it was the thought that counted, not the size, as she spread joy and cheer for the holidays. The girl could grow into it. (She never did.) Granny’s family members were used to receiving unusual items from the thrift shops and bargain bins. It became a game to see what came next and no one was surprised when, one year, what came next was what had been gifted to Granny the year before. In the end, 364 days of loving interactions couldn’t be swamped by one day of off-the-wall Yule gifts. Besides, the insanity of Granny’s unusual gift-giving was cancelled out when the frenzy of opening presents was over and Grandpa whipped out the envelopes with crisp new $50 bills inside. Life tends to balance out somehow.

Actually, the idea of re-gifting makes some sense. If you have items you’ve received that have no use but to gather dust on a shelf, why not? The trick is to remember from whence the gift came and avoid shuffling it back to the original purchaser. Like the friend who sent a special card to her father one Christmas only to receive it back with his signature the next year. That can cause consternation. And if the gift you got was really so horrible that you don’t want it in your house, what makes you think anyone you know would like it in theirs? Reminds me of the sisters who for years passed a fruitcake (long since hardened to concrete status) back and forth. Disguising the disgusting bit of undigestible comestible so it would come as a surprise on Christmas morning became a challenge. If the thing had not finally disintegrated, it probably would still be making the round trip every other year dressed in every imaginable disguise.

Speaking of lingerie, it seems to be a favorite inappropriate choice with some gents who are gift-giving impaired. A faux zebra-skin teddy for a body that has more wrinkles than the Grand Canyon? Or the hot pink number with a juvenile print that sports matching pink slippers for the wife who is expecting in January? Help! On the other hand, such dainties would look pretty good to my daughter who once received a crankshaft for her ailing car on Christmas day. Or the woman who got a new barbecue because her husband wanted a barbecue. It’s one of the fatal mistakes of giving presents—buying something you are sure the recipient will like because it’s just what YOU always wanted. It can seem so right.

Some men, unfortunately, don’t get the picture when it comes to gifting. What’s a woman to do when she plants her list in big letters on the refrigerator, repeated on the car dash and in the bathroom and the message never penetrates? No wonder there are those like the one I once served when I was working in a large store wrapping packages for Yule shoppers. She had a large pile of things waiting for dressing in cheery holiday paper and—she requested—lots of bows. Making what I hoped was genial conversation, I asked if she had a big family to shop for at Christmas. “Oh, no,” she assured me. “These are all for me. Now I know I’ll get what I want.” Served her purpose, I guess, but felt a little lacking in the expected joyful spirit of giving—and receiving— that the season ideally generates.

Kids are great gift-givers. When mine were small, they never had much money to spread among those on their lists and that led to some strange packages on Christmas morning. Such as the empty thread spools—individually wrapped, of course—that showed up under the tree one year. Or the toilet brush. Now that was a gift with feeling. Using it all year round brought warm memories of that Christmas Past. Of course, there was the year I got little pieces of Christmas wrap wrapped in Christmas wrap. Really tight budget that year. Then there was the year I got a very nice —very cheap—little statuette of the Virgin Mary, although my religious sensibilities don’t lie in that direction. I had seen it on sale in our local all-purpose shopping emporium at $1.49 and knew that was a real sacrifice for my little Brian. For many years, the statue was part of our Christmas decor until in some move around the country the cheap plaster disintegrated from the stress. I missed it when it was gone.

A poet once said it best: “The gift without the giver is bare.” Gift it or regift it, but give it from the heart.

Christmas Shopping Budget Tips

The crunch is on. With a few days to Christmas, too many shoppers are in panic mode and throwing the budget out the window. If it’s happening to you, stop, take a deep breath and take back control.

Even those who manage to keep a lid on Christmas shopping during the early days of the shopping season sometimes find the temptations too much in the final days leading up to Dec. 25, credit counselors say.

Merchants —literally— bank on it. They offer last-minute bargains designed to bring the shopping throngs through their doors. Free photos with Santa, holiday food samples, special in-store events, buy-one-get-one-free deals are all crafted with the buyer —and his wallet—in mind. Keep firmly in mind that nothing is a bargain if you can’t afford it. Keep your Christmas shopping budget in mind.

Experts offer several strategies to help you avoid temptations during the final days of the annual frenzy.

Stick with the budget you made to begin your shopping spree. Avoid the temptation to add to your list or fudge a little on what you planned to spend for each recipient. Trying to be Santa to too many is a sure-fire budget-buster. Be a friend all year round instead. Biting off more than you can reasonably chew is a sure way to take the ho-ho-ho out of the holidays.

If last-gasp gift requirements do pop up, consider gift cards. They’re more convenient and less time-consuming than looking for bargains. The longer you spend in a place of merchandising, the greater the temptations become. If you go, have specific items in mind, find them, pay for them and go home. Browsing only gives you time to weaken.

Remember that groceries are part of the equation. The come-ons in the grocery aisles can be as tempting as those in other stores. Plan what you want to offer family and friends and stick with it. A cupboard full of crackers is not a particularly good Christmas leftover.

Shift your focus to other things. Avoid the stores. Think of places to go to celebrate the season without the urge to lay out cash, checks or the plastic. Remember for whom the till tolls. It tolls for you. Find some good entertainment that doesn’t involve walking through a mall. Or throw on the holiday music and spend some feet-up time. Contemplate the good things about the season, spending aside.

Avoid credit cards. Leave them home if you are venturing out. In extreme cases, have someone you trust put them away for the duration.

Communicate, even if it is belatedly. If the first 11 months of the year were tough, leaving your Christmas budget on the thin side, say so. Share your situation with relevant family members. Look for unique gifts that won’t break the bank. A little of your time may be more appreciated than a lot of your money. Chances are that if you talk with others, you’ll find they are hoping to cut back on their Christmas outlay too.

Use some of the time you are saving by avoiding the stores to look ahead to next year. Plan in advance to keep expectations reasonable and to make the season fit your situation. Plant firmly in your mind this year’s temptations for last-minute spending and recognize it when the same thing happens next year.

Eight Holiday Savings Tips

Save more for the holidays. Shop online —wisely

Faced with the fallout from a lingering bad economy, many online merchants are offering deep discounts on the most-wanted holiday gift items, often throwing in free shipping with low or no spending threshholds. The holiday promotions began before the masks were off the Halloween trick-or-treaters. Lands End was one of the first, with a $40-off deal on orders of at least $100 and free shipping if the tab goes over $50.

Nearly 93 percent of online retailers say they will offer free shipping at some point through December, says the National Retail Federation. A good number of the merchants say the promotions will be more tempting than last year. Shoppers put off by the sense of a very slow move toward a robust economy will want some special deals to prod them into digging into their pocketbooks, experts say. The Federation says it expects the average shopper this season to do about 36 percent of his buying online. Last year, the figure was 32.7 percent.

Some online retailers such as Walmart, are offering not only expanded free shipping for those who purchase at least $45 in goods, and they have online-only bargains that can’t be found in stores. A spokesman for Bradsdeals.com predicts all-time low prices on televisions, computers, cameras and tablet computers.

In what has become a well-entrenched custom, the holiday online shopping frenzy is expected to launch on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, with more to come on the following Cyber Monday.

Shoppers can multiply their holiday shopping benefits by following these tips from the experts:

MONITOR DAILY DEALS

Sites such as Groupon.com, Eversave.com, Living Social.com and PlumDistrict.com offer half-off buys from a variety of online dealers. For example, Groupon recently offered a $40 Body Shop certificate for $20.

KNOW RETURN POLICIES

Not all online merchants allow to return an item in-store. Find out up-front and save the hassle.
COMPARE PRICES: Begin your shopping with a Web search of the particular product you have in mind or consult a comparison site such as Bizrate.com or PriceGrabber.com

READ PRODUCT RATINGS

One of the great advantages of online shopping is being able to access websites that include customer ratings of products.

AVOID SHOPPING CHARGES

Many retailers recognize shipping costs as one of the deterrents to online shopping. They offer ways to get around them. Amazon.com offers free “SuperSaver” shipping on orders over $25, although the deal doesn’t apply to all products. Some of the free-shipping offers are tied to a spending minimum . Freeshipping.org can be a guide. Some online dealers offer a buy-online, pick-up-in-the-store option, eliminating the shipping charge.

USE COUPON CODES

Among websites that can give you information about money-saving coupons are RetailMeNot , Coupon Cabin and Coupon Dealing. Some sites will accept more than one coupon code per order. For the best savings, compare coupon offers between a couple of sites. There are many combinations, so do the math.

GO SOCIAL

Many major online merchants are offering more money-saving offers via Facebook and Twitter. Get on the “Like” or “Follow ” lists of your favorite retailers.

GET CASH BACK

Ebates.com, ShopatHome.com and FatWallet.com and other cash-back websites earn a small commission for referring shoppers to online merchants. They then share that commission with shoppers who buy. Start with one of these Web pages and then click on the merchant with whom you would like to shop. Not every merchant works with a cash-back site, but many do.